Pigo and Champz = Devil and the deep sea.......

I always thought God was in his worst mood when he decided to create Pigzy. But now I assume he was in an equally bad or even worse mood when he decided to create Champz. To make a choice between them is really like choosing between the devil and the deep sea. If Pigo has his pigiosms Champz has his Chugiri. Because of the number of questions asked by Champzz in the con-calls , JPMC incurred an additional cost of approx $13 million on its telephone bills. One of the onsite co-ordinators , who is a Champz victim and whose favourite game is baseball has bought a new baseball bat. He plans to stick it up Champz's ass and pull the other end out of his mouth,if Champz ever steps into the US of A. Pigo on the other hand , has trained his non-existent brain to nod at every word that the onsite guys speak with a shit-ex on his face. If some pyschopath genetic engineer ever decides to inflict a disaster on humanity by creating the deadliest living being ever , a genetic combination of Champz and Pigo would be the perfect recipe for it.

Pigo - The Fragrant

It was a pleasant morning in the office , I was feeling fresh after an early morning bath and a nice breakfast. All of a sudden I noticed a few strands of tiny hair falling on my desk , I realised they were my nostrils , before I could think of anything a pungent smell entered my nose zipped through my lungs to the deepest part of my guts. It was as if a "stink nuclear bomb" had been dropped on my head by Mr Bush. A deep darkness fell before my eyes . After a while I regained my senses and saw Pigo with a shit-ex on his face smiling at me. He oinked "Good Morning my dear !!!!!" . I was about to wish him back cheerfully but my lungs were still reeling from the shock they had just received. I managed a feeble "Hi". I had never felt the need for a deo so much as I was feeling now. I knew it was Pigo in front of me , but somehow what my eyes could see was a HUGE pig drenched in shit and raping my sense of smell a million times a second. Then Pigzzy opened his mouth once again and a gush of bad breath blew at 100 miles per hour straight into my already injured nostrils and uprooted a hundred of them at once. All the deo and mouth freshner ads I had seen in my life flashed before my eyes .
The ASE Benjamin Button was a true Pigo-sheeshya in this matter . His teeth were as yellow as the Chennai Super Kings jersey and his breath almost gave Pigo a run for his money. When he talked to someone he always brought his face so close to the other person that it gave the impression he was doing a root canal on him.
But I was happy that I was not the only one to endure all this as everyone including KK, Bihari Babu, Hannibal lady and Paagal-havi had faced this in the days to come. I seriously considered telling Pigzz that I have changed my religion and had converted to Jainism and would wear a mask on my face in office everyday. We all knew what we could gift Pigzy on his birthday !!!!!!!

First day on the job.....with Pigzz

Bihari babu(BB) had the "saubhagya" of working with the great Pigzz himself on his 1st work request. Pigo was supposed to mentor and train Bihari on the same. But poor BB, he found out pretty soon that an actual pig would have been a better trainer than Piggzy. Whenever BB asked Pigo some technical stuff ,Pigo would give an expression as if he had shit in his pants(this expression would from hereon be termed as shit-ex) and would pass his favourite dialogue "I will look into it". Whenever Pigo would stare at the monitor stretch for a long time as if would crack it,BB would hope that he came out with a solution to the problem but alas all Pigo would do was shit-ex.
I wonder how the folks in Detroit had tolerated Pigzy , maybe they spanked his ass with a hot rod everytime. I bet there are burn marks on his ass coz of that. He also started taking Knowledge transfer sessions once in a while , which could be used as a cure for insomnia as his sessions had the capacity to put off even the most active human beings to sleep in a jiffy. I dont know on what topics the sessions were conducted , but one common topic that would fit would be "Bull-shit".

Here come the new joinees - A Sucking Entity (ASE's)

KK brought an inside khabar from his secret khabri "Table" from the other bay that 4 sucking entities (ASE's) were going to join the team , out of which 2 were of the female species. Me and KK felt a sudden surge of happiness in us on hearing this. So we went to Table's bay to check the "babzz" out. But as we Despo Boyzz would have it the moment we looked at them , our "little John" said "I quit". We decided we would erase the word "hope" from our memories.

As for the other 2 guy ASE's both of them looked old enough to be DU leads. One of them Benjamin Button seemed to be aging backwards. The other one Mute-man , appeared deaf and dumb to us until he first spoke on the 9th day after his joining. As for the babzz , one turned out be Lady Chu (LC) and the other Lady Pigo (LPG). As for their beauty the less discussed the better.

ASE's as the name suggest have to suck every individual from an ASE who is a day senior to the Sandy A-ro-raha-hai. These guys seemed up to their tasks , as they thought Pigzy was smart( they are in for a rude shock) and were happy to lick his ass for everything. Pigz was flying high !!!!!!!

Chu shows he is not far behind.........

The people who helped assemble the team must have taken great pains coz the people they have come up with are one in a million . One of them Champu Chu*&%$ . I am sure this guy was the inspiration for Paresh Rawal's character from the movie "Judaai". The day he joined the project, he bombarded the team with approxiamately 7854 questions . During the team lunch , he pissed off everyone of us except one , himself. If you have not yet realised how irritating Chu's questions can be , here is one sample convo between Chu and an onsite guy in the call:

Chu : I want to know what is the KT plan for the team.

Onsite: I dont know there isnt any for yet.

Chu: But I need to have an idea of what work I have to do.

Onsite: Ok we will draft one. ( thinking....... kya pareshaani hai yaar)

Chu: When will I get to see it.

Onsite: Within 2 days (thinking....... mera bas chale toh abhi Fax karke teri g#%d se nikalke tereko de doon)

Chu: So when will I get the chance to come onsite

Onsite: When there is a requirement (thinking........main teri tarah Chu&%$# thode hi hoon jo tereko onsite bulaaon)

After this Chu asked approx 384 questions , to all of which the onsite guy had muted the phone and left.

KK is most pissed with him as of now since he has to work with him in PS. Last heard KK was planning to Murder Chu and dump his body under the Dairy circle flyover,one of those times they stayed late night in office.

The word spreads,hopes crashed .........

Soon everyone had met Pigo , including KK,Bihari babu , Champu Chu%$#$ , Paagal-Havi , Hannibal lady , the man who wears formals informally (TMWWFI) and Pakauu pyscho(PP) . Pigo had begun well ........ But Paagal-havi who had worked with the great Pigzz earlier, warned us . Next person we met from the ASC was the Business anal-cyst Chana-garam Ravankumar (CGR) , me and KK had pinned our last hopes of having an erection in office on her , as her voice sounded very sexy during the calls and was the only thing that kept us awake during them. But looking at her we thought we would not have one for the next 10 years. KK and me (Despo-hit Bekaarni aka DB)now plan to start a band called the "Despo boyz" .Next from the ASC was the dalaal(mngr) Dimple Kapadia(DK) . DK had this amazing physique looking at which you could count his ribs in one glance.But compared to Paagal-Havi he was Arnold Shivajinagar .Pigo and CGR had got us some chocolates and some "gifts" if we could call them. After gobbling our chocolates as if they were food packets from the UN to 3rd world countries , we got ready to receive our gifts . The gift was the first Pigosim inflicted upoon us. They were pencils , which looked like they were bought from the BTM bhangarwaala. KK expression suggested he wanted to stuff all of them in Pigo's ass in one go.

The first meeting ..........

It was more than a month since we had joined the project and had enjoyed our asses off as all the senior members were sucking up the Americans in Detroit. All we had known of them was their voices on the conference calls , which we were sleeping through for the past whole month. Me and Kaluu Kair (KK) had our hopes crashed again after the AXA debacle. We had hoped against hope for some decent looking chics this time around. But alas the chics in this project also made our testosterone glands go dry. I had breakfast and had come back to the bay , enter pee-gay-shwar aka Pigo , he was the first one to come to office after coming back from the American Suckaa carinval (ASC) , which infact created a very good first impression. His expressions would have given even Einstein an intelligence complex , so I thought of him as some brainy guy , who has come back with a lot of knowledge about the system. But as they say looks may be deceptive...............