Coal's Keyboard

Its 10 pm and I am just recovering from being physically molested for about 10 hours now. The bastard doesnt give me a second's respite, once he presses the first key stroke he follows it with a million more at a rapid pace. I guess his skinny fingers must be the strongest part of his Machinist-esque body. I scream so loudly everytime he attacks me that my voice can be heard till Banashankari and sometimes even Hebbal. But Mr "Count my ribs in one go" doesnt show any mercy. To add to my misery, being a mainframe keyboard, Coal doesnt even spare my "function" keys, they are attacked regualrly too !!! Atleast windows keyboards have their special "function" keys spared. Since my function keys are so damaged, I dont think I will be capable of carrying my legacy forward. I will end up as the last keyboard of my generation, thanks to that weightless skinny son of a b&#$*. My state is so bad my 'A', 'S' , 'S' are wiped off. There's only some blank space left in place of my 'BAR'. My cousin "the mouse" is also not immune to this domestic violence, his "ball" has been damaged. My half-sister who is employed Master Oogway(MO) seems to be having the time of her life. MO uses the lowest force possible on every keyboard stroke, also because of MO's office stay duration she hardly works 4-5 hours a day with alternate Fridays or Sundays off.
Now that Coal is going on a vacation(after about 3000 years) I am planning to slip out at night and exchange myself with MO's keyboard or another person of whom I have heard doesnt use his keyboard at all, his name is Manager Anisheee. If I am not successful at that, believe me this is the last you will hear from me.

Regards

Coal's keyboard.