Pee-gay-shwar

Mr Brand Conscious - Domino Costa

2010-06-22T02:20:00.000-07:00

Mr Brand Conscious - Domino Costa
In this strange little world of ours, there are various categories of 'conscious' people, there are the fashion conscious, there are the health conscious, brand conscious and then there is Mr Domino Costa who is an extreme case of all the above.
A single look at Mr DC and you see the "Who's your daddy now ??" look plastered all over his face. I dont think he even bothers to look around at the poor non-brand-conscious souls around him. As he strides royally through the bay everyone feels the brands in the air, every step Costa takes is a brand, everything he wears is branded, right to the last thread of his underwear, one can feel the brands in every last molecule carbon-dioxide he breathes out.
He is head and shoulders above his contemporaries, no one can match his intelligence, Einstein its so sad I cannot challenge you. Mr Bill Gates lets get it on, Steve Jobs I can put you out of your job. These are the things you feel the guy thinks, when you catch a glimpse of DC's "Who's your daddy now ??" expression.
A day in the life of Domino Costa :
The alarm sets off on his Rolex watch with the tone of SRK's "I am the best, I am the best" song. DC gets up from his ultra soft bed made specially for him from the best sponge available. He makes his way to his italian marble floored bathroom with a Chinese ceramic basin, with a golden tap through the faucet of which flows Bisleri mineral water at 23 degree celcius so that Mr Costa's flawless skin remains flawless.All the while wearing pure Chinese silk pyjamas. He then takes his shower with Himalaya's bottled water at 33.5 degree celcius, to keep his hair as silky as ever. Puts on his Jockeys and Calvin Kleins(whichever is more expensive), then his Armani shirt and pants, Rolex watch, Police spectacles, Gucci shoes. Drinks his favourite Costa coffee in his sandalwood lined balcony so that the maximum possible number of people can see the Costa mug in his hand. Some say he even has a "Tera Baap Costa hai" tatoo on his hand.
Mr DC hates everything thats unbranded, he loathes people who use unbranded stuff. Once he even refused to relieve himself for 3 days until he got his brand of mineral water in the restroom.

Costa doesnt believe in getting out of the house with anything on himself unbranded, but according to him the most important things to wear is ,his "Who's your daddy now ??" look before heading off into the world full of less fortunate unbranded people !!

Coal's Keyboard

2010-05-20T00:39:00.000-07:00

Its 10 pm and I am just recovering from being physically molested for about 10 hours now. The bastard doesnt give me a second's respite, once he presses the first key stroke he follows it with a million more at a rapid pace. I guess his skinny fingers must be the strongest part of his Machinist-esque body. I scream so loudly everytime he attacks me that my voice can be heard till Banashankari and sometimes even Hebbal. But Mr "Count my ribs in one go" doesnt show any mercy. To add to my misery, being a mainframe keyboard, Coal doesnt even spare my "function" keys, they are attacked regualrly too !!! Atleast windows keyboards have their special "function" keys spared. Since my function keys are so damaged, I dont think I will be capable of carrying my legacy forward. I will end up as the last keyboard of my generation, thanks to that weightless skinny son of a b&#$*. My state is so bad my 'A', 'S' , 'S' are wiped off. There's only some blank space left in place of my 'BAR'. My cousin "the mouse" is also not immune to this domestic violence, his "ball" has been damaged. My half-sister who is employed Master Oogway(MO) seems to be having the time of her life. MO uses the lowest force possible on every keyboard stroke, also because of MO's office stay duration she hardly works 4-5 hours a day with alternate Fridays or Sundays off.
Now that Coal is going on a vacation(after about 3000 years) I am planning to slip out at night and exchange myself with MO's keyboard or another person of whom I have heard doesnt use his keyboard at all, his name is Manager Anisheee. If I am not successful at that, believe me this is the last you will hear from me.

Regards

Coal's keyboard.

Jeevan..........Life

2009-11-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

It was a nice peaceful morning, all of us were enjoying Pigo's absence. Bihari Babu's waist was feeling lonely.All of a sudden, I hear a sound which sounded some what like............aaaan haaan haaan haan aaaaannnnnnn. It felt like I was in the company of the classic 70's villian , Jeevan.I turned around and it was Jeevan , around 30 years younger than the original version only a little more disgusting with some odd facial hair and weird glasses dangling from his nose-tip.The next words he uttered will be surely etched in history as the phrase most uttered by anyone in a life time. It goes like this......."My question is ..............". It was followed by "is this Bay 2 ?".After that Jeevz made himself comfortable (and us , uncomfortable) on his seat taking it up 5 feet in the air and perching his butt and on it and looking around like a scare-crow. We knew , from now , were gonna be watched by this scare-crow. He was more of an irritating-crow than a scare-crow.

Watch this space for more on Jeevzzz.

The Pigho-liday...........

2009-07-27T07:45:00.000-07:00

Its been a looong time Pigo has hurt his bone near his shitting area. We wonder whether " woh sach much gir gaya thha ya fir giri hui harkat ki thhi " to get that sort of an injury. Me, KK are enjoying not being stared at lustily and Bihari Babu's waist is enjoying not being touched time and again.But back at Pigo's stye,his hormones are raging, his mind is engulfed with gay eroticism and his hand is working overtime.The doodhwala has gone back to his village, one silver lining for Pigzy though,was the Delhi High Court judgement . The paperwaala was also upset with Pigo. Since Pigo was at home , he had asked Pigo to take some free tuitions for his son who was in the 1st standard but in the next exams the poor kid had failed.The paperwaala had then threatened to break up with Piggzy. After that he had asked Pigo to write the same 1st std test and Piggzy too failed miserably in that test.To top that Pigzy's wife found a bunch of gay porn CDs which she confiscated and burnt them down (some of which Pigo managed to save by jumping into the fire as he himself featured in many of the videos).

Boy oohhh Boy was Pigo hot !!!

The Woman I Pity The Most

2009-05-20T03:24:00.001-07:00

All us of us somehow scrape through 8 -10 hours with pigz everyday , but then I gave a thought to who has to endure him after that , its his poor wife (if she really exists) , she is "The Woman I Pity The Most(TWIPTM)....." . The other day I had a call with piggy I realised I was within the firing range of one of the worlds most deadliest stinks , Piggy's breath. The moment he opens his mouth you feel a gush of green air coming towards you and before you know it, your senses go for a toss. But this time I was ready , I popped up 5 mento-fresh candies in my mouth and let out a fresh breath as a counter-attack , but the "green goblin" was more powerful than expected , his green breath beat mine easily and I lay there on the desk unconscious !!!!! Back to TWIPTM , according to reliable source she slipped into a comma for 5 months after her first KISS with pigzy and by the time she came out of the comma Pigo had become Pi-gay !!!! Poor soul.
She has serious doubts that Pigo is having an affair with their doodhwala and the newspaper boy together . She has notices everytime it is Pigo who goes to fetch the milk packet and the newspaper.She also once saw the doodhwala picking up his dhoti and running away in a hurry when she came out once and piggy had a lust-ex on his face but was trying to hide it. I dont understand how the lady can take it when her husbands passes those lust-ex's to the doodhwala and the newspaper boy and numerous others. People wish to have a kinky sex-life after marriage ,but for TWIPTM it definitely stinky rather than kinky .
She is definitely "The Woman I Pity The Most.......".

Pigo Kaka

2009-05-13T03:13:00.001-07:00

Its moderation season and it seems Pigo's gay hormones are overflowing as usual , coz he has a lust-ex 24 X 7 on his face. I thank my stars for not having to be in the moderation meeting with Pigzy for the whole day!! The bay is rid of his shit-ex's & lust-ex's for a full day. We all were wondering what would Pigo oink in the moderation meet when Bihari babu came back with the news that he had seen Pigo collecting pizzas from the delivery boy at the office gate.
Now we know what he is doing in the moderation meeting , he is essaying the role of "Pigo Kaka" in it. He is serving pizzas and drinks to everyone , wearing a vest with 14 holes and khakhi shorts which look like he has stolen them from a traffic policeman of the 70's , all this teamed with a smelly (as smelly as his breath) cloth on his shoulder.
Kya karen , if u dont have an organ called as the "brain" ,like Pigo , some other organs have to be sprung into action which I am sure he did. We imagined Pigo running around in the moderation meet with a shit-ex . According to reliable sources he was reprimanded a few times , when he was caught staring lustily at ummm (something I cant mention in the blog) of a few men in the meeting, some of whom were absolutely not amused I assume. But I am sure some of them must have fallen for his lust-ex . How else would you explain , Pigo being a TL ???

Pigo or Pi-GAY ???

2009-05-12T06:41:00.001-07:00

We were just about getting adjusted to Pigo's high level of intellect when we were shuddered by another possible calamity. Of late Pigo had been making advances on me, Bihari Babu and KK , the problem was, those advances were of the sexual kind !!!!!!! All three of us were on the verge of being exploited . As if not having any decent chicks was'nt enough , we had to deal with a sex-hungry gay pig now !!!! God have mercy !!!!
All 3 of us were finding it difficult to keep our morales intact with each passing day . We did not want to lose our virginity to this gay pig. These days there was less of shit-ex and more of a lusty expression , whenever Pigo would look at any of us , we would feel his lust and could notice the saliva getting generated from his tongue (this expression from hereon would be referred to as lust-ex). Pigzz had chosen his favourite parts for each of us , my hair , KK's newly acquired bald head and worst of all poor Bihari Babu's waist , which Pigzy would make all efforts not to leave untouched !!!!! I somehow had the intuition Babu would have the toughest time keeping his "izzat" as Pigo salivated the most at the sight of him and would have the longest lust-ex.
But with all the recession and stuff , we could see a brighter side to Pi-gayism . We had found the easiest way to getting a promotion this appraisal season !!! But one lust-ex from Pigyy Diamondzz and we knew , losing our dignity to him would be a lot more painful than not getting promoted !!!!

Pigo and Champz = Devil and the deep sea.......

2009-05-11T01:44:00.001-07:00

I always thought God was in his worst mood when he decided to create Pigzy. But now I assume he was in an equally bad or even worse mood when he decided to create Champz. To make a choice between them is really like choosing between the devil and the deep sea. If Pigo has his pigiosms Champz has his Chugiri. Because of the number of questions asked by Champzz in the con-calls , JPMC incurred an additional cost of approx $13 million on its telephone bills. One of the onsite co-ordinators , who is a Champz victim and whose favourite game is baseball has bought a new baseball bat. He plans to stick it up Champz's ass and pull the other end out of his mouth,if Champz ever steps into the US of A. Pigo on the other hand , has trained his non-existent brain to nod at every word that the onsite guys speak with a shit-ex on his face. If some pyschopath genetic engineer ever decides to inflict a disaster on humanity by creating the deadliest living being ever , a genetic combination of Champz and Pigo would be the perfect recipe for it.

Pigo - The Fragrant

2009-05-07T03:17:00.001-07:00

It was a pleasant morning in the office , I was feeling fresh after an early morning bath and a nice breakfast. All of a sudden I noticed a few strands of tiny hair falling on my desk , I realised they were my nostrils , before I could think of anything a pungent smell entered my nose zipped through my lungs to the deepest part of my guts. It was as if a "stink nuclear bomb" had been dropped on my head by Mr Bush. A deep darkness fell before my eyes . After a while I regained my senses and saw Pigo with a shit-ex on his face smiling at me. He oinked "Good Morning my dear !!!!!" . I was about to wish him back cheerfully but my lungs were still reeling from the shock they had just received. I managed a feeble "Hi". I had never felt the need for a deo so much as I was feeling now. I knew it was Pigo in front of me , but somehow what my eyes could see was a HUGE pig drenched in shit and raping my sense of smell a million times a second. Then Pigzzy opened his mouth once again and a gush of bad breath blew at 100 miles per hour straight into my already injured nostrils and uprooted a hundred of them at once. All the deo and mouth freshner ads I had seen in my life flashed before my eyes .
The ASE Benjamin Button was a true Pigo-sheeshya in this matter . His teeth were as yellow as the Chennai Super Kings jersey and his breath almost gave Pigo a run for his money. When he talked to someone he always brought his face so close to the other person that it gave the impression he was doing a root canal on him.
But I was happy that I was not the only one to endure all this as everyone including KK, Bihari Babu, Hannibal lady and Paagal-havi had faced this in the days to come. I seriously considered telling Pigzz that I have changed my religion and had converted to Jainism and would wear a mask on my face in office everyday. We all knew what we could gift Pigzy on his birthday !!!!!!!

First day on the job.....with Pigzz

2009-05-05T02:37:00.000-07:00

Bihari babu(BB) had the "saubhagya" of working with the great Pigzz himself on his 1st work request. Pigo was supposed to mentor and train Bihari on the same. But poor BB, he found out pretty soon that an actual pig would have been a better trainer than Piggzy. Whenever BB asked Pigo some technical stuff ,Pigo would give an expression as if he had shit in his pants(this expression would from hereon be termed as shit-ex) and would pass his favourite dialogue "I will look into it". Whenever Pigo would stare at the monitor stretch for a long time as if would crack it,BB would hope that he came out with a solution to the problem but alas all Pigo would do was shit-ex.
I wonder how the folks in Detroit had tolerated Pigzy , maybe they spanked his ass with a hot rod everytime. I bet there are burn marks on his ass coz of that. He also started taking Knowledge transfer sessions once in a while , which could be used as a cure for insomnia as his sessions had the capacity to put off even the most active human beings to sleep in a jiffy. I dont know on what topics the sessions were conducted , but one common topic that would fit would be "Bull-shit".

Here come the new joinees - A Sucking Entity (ASE's)

2009-04-29T22:58:00.000-07:00

KK brought an inside khabar from his secret khabri "Table" from the other bay that 4 sucking entities (ASE's) were going to join the team , out of which 2 were of the female species. Me and KK felt a sudden surge of happiness in us on hearing this. So we went to Table's bay to check the "babzz" out. But as we Despo Boyzz would have it the moment we looked at them , our "little John" said "I quit". We decided we would erase the word "hope" from our memories.

As for the other 2 guy ASE's both of them looked old enough to be DU leads. One of them Benjamin Button seemed to be aging backwards. The other one Mute-man , appeared deaf and dumb to us until he first spoke on the 9th day after his joining. As for the babzz , one turned out be Lady Chu (LC) and the other Lady Pigo (LPG). As for their beauty the less discussed the better.

ASE's as the name suggest have to suck every individual from an ASE who is a day senior to the Sandy A-ro-raha-hai. These guys seemed up to their tasks , as they thought Pigzy was smart( they are in for a rude shock) and were happy to lick his ass for everything. Pigz was flying high !!!!!!!

Chu shows he is not far behind.........

2009-04-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

The people who helped assemble the team must have taken great pains coz the people they have come up with are one in a million . One of them Champu Chu*&%$ . I am sure this guy was the inspiration for Paresh Rawal's character from the movie "Judaai". The day he joined the project, he bombarded the team with approxiamately 7854 questions . During the team lunch , he pissed off everyone of us except one , himself. If you have not yet realised how irritating Chu's questions can be , here is one sample convo between Chu and an onsite guy in the call:

Chu : I want to know what is the KT plan for the team.

Onsite: I dont know there isnt any for yet.

Chu: But I need to have an idea of what work I have to do.

Onsite: Ok we will draft one. ( thinking....... kya pareshaani hai yaar)

Chu: When will I get to see it.

Onsite: Within 2 days (thinking....... mera bas chale toh abhi Fax karke teri g#%d se nikalke tereko de doon)

Chu: So when will I get the chance to come onsite

Onsite: When there is a requirement (thinking........main teri tarah Chu&%$# thode hi hoon jo tereko onsite bulaaon)

After this Chu asked approx 384 questions , to all of which the onsite guy had muted the phone and left.

KK is most pissed with him as of now since he has to work with him in PS. Last heard KK was planning to Murder Chu and dump his body under the Dairy circle flyover,one of those times they stayed late night in office.

The word spreads,hopes crashed .........

2009-04-29T04:13:00.000-07:00

Soon everyone had met Pigo , including KK,Bihari babu , Champu Chu%$#$ , Paagal-Havi , Hannibal lady , the man who wears formals informally (TMWWFI) and Pakauu pyscho(PP) . Pigo had begun well ........ But Paagal-havi who had worked with the great Pigzz earlier, warned us . Next person we met from the ASC was the Business anal-cyst Chana-garam Ravankumar (CGR) , me and KK had pinned our last hopes of having an erection in office on her , as her voice sounded very sexy during the calls and was the only thing that kept us awake during them. But looking at her we thought we would not have one for the next 10 years. KK and me (Despo-hit Bekaarni aka DB)now plan to start a band called the "Despo boyz" .Next from the ASC was the dalaal(mngr) Dimple Kapadia(DK) . DK had this amazing physique looking at which you could count his ribs in one glance.But compared to Paagal-Havi he was Arnold Shivajinagar .Pigo and CGR had got us some chocolates and some "gifts" if we could call them. After gobbling our chocolates as if they were food packets from the UN to 3rd world countries , we got ready to receive our gifts . The gift was the first Pigosim inflicted upoon us. They were pencils , which looked like they were bought from the BTM bhangarwaala. KK expression suggested he wanted to stuff all of them in Pigo's ass in one go.

The first meeting ..........

2009-04-29T02:38:00.000-07:00

It was more than a month since we had joined the project and had enjoyed our asses off as all the senior members were sucking up the Americans in Detroit. All we had known of them was their voices on the conference calls , which we were sleeping through for the past whole month. Me and Kaluu Kair (KK) had our hopes crashed again after the AXA debacle. We had hoped against hope for some decent looking chics this time around. But alas the chics in this project also made our testosterone glands go dry. I had breakfast and had come back to the bay , enter pee-gay-shwar aka Pigo , he was the first one to come to office after coming back from the American Suckaa carinval (ASC) , which infact created a very good first impression. His expressions would have given even Einstein an intelligence complex , so I thought of him as some brainy guy , who has come back with a lot of knowledge about the system. But as they say looks may be deceptive...............